Don’t worry honey And blonde it might be the films that have launched a thousand reflective articles and / or gossip columns, but the act of sheer madness that is Amsterdam puts both of us to shame. It is, in the opinion of the writer, the worst film of the year: “a tortuous mess full of bad interpretations of its starry cast … and more embarrassing liberal slogans than the Lingua Franca sweater collection”.
Directed by David O. Russell, a notorious hothead who once told police he felt his niece’s breasts, Amsterdam tells the story of a trio of World War I veterans — Christian Bale, Margot Robbie, John David Washington — who come together in 1933 to foil a fascist plot to overthrow the United States government. In addition to these three, it is filled with prominent stars, including Robert De Niro, Rami Malek, Anya Taylor-Joy, Chris Rock, Mike Myers, Zoe Saldana, Michael Shannon, Timothy Olyphant, Andrea Riseborough, Matthias Schoenaerts, Alessandro Nivola, and Taylor Swift, who offers the least deplorable twist. It could be the biggest waste of talent ever, and that’s it truly say something given Hollywood’s long, star-studded history.
Here is the worst of the worst.
Launch: Robert Downey Jr., Antonio Banderas, Michael Sheen, Jim Broadbent, Jessie Buckley, Emma Thompson, Rami Malek, Tom Holland, Ralph Fiennes, Selena Gomez, John Cena, Marion Cotillard
As Robert Downey Jr. said, he was googling “the strangest Welsh doctor” and came across William Price, a gonzo neo-pagan doctor who wore a suit with the stars, and based his Dr. Dolittle, a medical doctor. who can talk to animals. on that. Yet in this film about the doctor who talks to animals tasked with finding a magical elixir to cure a sick Queen Victoria, he has never seemed so disengaged. It is visually monotonous, the script is all over the place, the dubbing work (from a huge cast) is uninspired and all lines fail. Did I mention it’s written and directed by Stephen Gaghan, who won an Oscar for writing the drug trafficking drama. Traffic?
Launch: Francesca Hayward, Judi Dench, Idris Elba, Jennifer Hudson, Rebel Wilson, James Corden, Jason Derulo, Ian McKellen, Taylor Swift, Ray Winstone
Expectations were high for Oscar-winning director Tom Hooper (The king’s speech, the Miserables) film adaptation of the popular Broadway musical, but oh my God, they were Not encountered. Boasting some of the most baffling character design choices in recent memory – Judi Dench’s Old Deuteronomy is nightmare fuel and no one should be subjected to James Corden as a CGI cat – and a distinct lack of magic, the film also has the cruel distinction of be the last movie that many people have seen in theaters before the start of the COVID pandemic, since it was released at Christmas 2019. Plus … release The Butthole Cut!
STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (2019)
Launch: Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Adam Driver, Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac, Domhnall Gleeson, Richard E. Grant, Lupita Nyong’o, Keri Russell, Harrison Ford, Kelly Marie Tran
JJ Abrams’ ending for the reboot Star Wars the trilogy is a giant fuck off to the previous film in the series, The last Jedi, reconnecting much of his action through unsatisfactory revelations of canon destruction. It’s the cinematic equivalent of giving in to trolls.
THE LAUNDRY (2019)
Launch: Meryl Streep, Gary Oldman, Antonio Banderas, Sharon Stone, David Schwimmer, Matthias Schoenaerts, Jeffrey Wright, Will Forte, James Cromwell, Larry Wilmore, Robert Patrick
Not only is the satire distorting Steven Soderbergh’s Panama Papers unnecessarily convoluted and flashy, exhibiting some of the worst qualities of Adam McKay’s socially conscious work, it also features Meryl Streep as a Panamanian woman named Elena. She is lucky that no one has seen it.
LEAGUE OF JUSTICE (2017)
Launch: Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Gal Gadot, Ezra Miller, Jason Momoa, Ray Fisher, Jeremy Irons, Diane Lane, JK Simmons, Ciaran Hinds, Amber Heard, Jesse Eisenberg
This superhero extravaganza is simply hideous – narratively and tonally inconsistent, full of confusing interpretations – and replacement director Joss Whedon is presumed to have terrified his cast and raised the profile of the public threat Ezra Miller. Amy Adams, in particular, deserves a lot better than this shit.
ZOOLANDER 2 (2016)
Launch: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, Penelope Cruz, Kristen Wiig, Fred Armisen, Kyle Mooney, Milla Jovovich, Justin Theroux, Benedict Cumberbatch, Justin Bieber, Sting
There are few precious laughs to be found in this long-awaited sequel to the 2001 comedy classic Zoolander. They’ve been replaced by an endless number of celebrity cameos, including an opening sequence in which Justin Bieber is killed off. Oh, and it contains a hefty dose of nasty teasing at the expense of the transgender / non-binary community in his character of All, played by Benedict Cumberbatch.
COLLATERAL BEAUTY (2016)
Launch: Will Smith, Kate Winslet, Edward Norton, Michael Pena, Helen Mirren, Keira Knightley, Jacob Latimore, Naomie Harris, Ann Dowd
Will Smith’s lows aren’t limited to the Oscars stage. Despite his A-list status, Academy Award for Best Actor and a string of blockbuster hits, Smith has also starred in some of the worst films ever, such as Winter’s Tale, Seven pounds, and this deeply misleading and ill-titled drama about a depressed advertising executive who collides with the concepts of Love, Time and Death, embodied here by Jacob Latimore, Keira Knightley and Helen Mirren respectively. It’s definitely cheesy, although it will encourage the occasional involuntary giggle.
Launch: Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, Rachel McAdams, Bill Murray, John Krasinski, Danny McBride, Alec Baldwin, Bill Camp, Jaeden Martell
The Sony hack revealed that Cameron Crowe’s love story set in Hawaii was a very dramatic production, and yes, it focuses on a military contractor (Cooper) who is tasked with running a privatized weapons satellite and he falls in love with an Asian Air Force pilot, Allison Ng, played by … Emma Stone.
FILM 43 (2013)
Launch: Hugh Jackman, Emma Stone, Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts, Uma Thurman, Halle Berry, Dennis Quaid, Elizabeth Banks, Gerard Butler, Richard Gere, Jason Sudeikis, Liev Schreiber, Chris Pratt, Kieran Culkin, Jeremy Allen White, Anna Faris, Chloe Grace Moretz, Justin Long, Kristen Bell
No, Green Book it’s not the most striking thing Peter Farrelly has done: it’s this anthological comedy made up of 14 comic short films, each more terribly not very funny than the last, including one by Hugh Jackman with his testicles hanging around his neck. Despite its huge cast of stars, it is now regarded as one of the worst films ever made.
GANGSTER TEAM (2013)
Launch: Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Josh Brolin, Sean Penn, Anthony Mackie, Nick Nolte, Giovanni Ribisi, Michael Pena, Robert Patrick, Mireille Enos, Holt McCallany
This terrible script somehow spent several years on the Black List of Best Unproduced Scripts before it landed in the hands of Ruben Fleischer (Zombieland), who turned out to be the absolutely wrong director for this noir story about a group of renegade cops trying to take down crime lord Mickey Cohen in 1949 Los Angeles. gangster movie. The typical reliable Gosling has never looked so bored.
NEW YEAR’S EVE (2011)
Launch: Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Jon Bon Jovi, Abigail Breslin, Robert De Niro, Josh Duhamel, Zac Efron, Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Seth Meyers, Lea Michele, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michelle Pfeiffer, Hilary Swank, Sofia Vergara, John Lithgow , Sarah Paulson, Common, Matthew Broderick
Garry Marshall has given us so many wonderful TV shows and movies, from Happy days And Laverne and Shirley to Outboard And Pretty Woman. His last three films in the director’s chair, however, were the Let’s-put-on-a-show catastrophes. Saint Valentine, New Year’s EveAnd Mother’s Day—All full of stars whose patterns intersect. There is really nothing of value here. It’s a sentimental mess that could be even worse than getting caught in the middle of Times Square while the ball falls.
SAINT VALENTINE (2010)
Launch: Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Taylor Lautner, Julia Roberts, Shirley MacLaine, Emma Roberts, Taylor Swift
Although not as bad as New Year’s Eve, this collection of colliding movie star plots is set over the course of his titular vacation and will make you hate even more than the most bitter single people. Like it Amsterdamthe only bright spot in this otherwise twisty affair is Taylor Swift, who truly he needs to make better movie decisions.
Launch: Harry Belafonte, Nick Cannon, Emilio Estevez, Laurence Fishburne, Anthony Hopkins, Helen Hunt, Joshua Jackson, Ashton Kutcher, Shia LaBeouf, Lindsay Lohan, William H. Macy, Demi Moore, Martin Sheen, Christian Slater, Sharon Stone, Elijah Wood, Mary Elizabeth Winstead
It’s always heartbreaking when a director thinks he has made an Oscar-worthy masterpiece, but instead has created a disaster: take this film by Emilio Estevez about the hours before the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy who is absolutely convinced it is Nashville when it’s so much closer to Garry Marshall’s damn romantic comedy trilogy. However, you can see Shia LaBeouf taking a stray bullet from Sirhan Sirhan, if that’s your thing.
BE COLD (2005)
Launch: John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Vince Vaughn, Cedric the Entertainer, Andre Benjamin, Dwayne Johnson, Harvey Keitel, Danny DeVito, Debi Mazar, Seth Green, James Woods
Most movies don’t need sequels, like Take Shorty, Barry Sonnenfeld’s near-perfect black comedy about a loan shark (Travolta) who wants to break into the film industry. This sequel directed by F. Gary Gray sees the same loan shark venturing into the music industry, but says nothing funny or interesting about that industry. It’s a sanitized cash trap (see: PG-13 rating) whose only good point is a Dwayne Johnson with an afro sport as an aspiring queer actor in tight pants.
Launch: Elijah Wood, Bruce Willis, Jon Lovitz, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Alan Arkin, Dan Aykroyd, Reba McEntire, Kelly McGillis, Kathy Bates, Jon Ritter, Scarlett Johansson, Richard Belzer
Rob Reiner had made five excellent films in a row …Stand by Me, The Princess Bride, When Harry met Sally …, MiseryAnd Few good men—But that series ended with this roadside adventure about a boy (Wood) who successfully divorces his parents (Alexander, Louis-Dreyfus) and sets out on a global search for new ones so as not to be confined to an orphanage. With stops in Texas, Zaire, China, Paris, Hawaii, Alaska, and New York City, it’s such a misfire (neither part works) filled to the gills with offensive ethnic stereotypes that the late, great film critic Roger Ebert assigned him. zero stars. However, it marked Scarlett Johansson’s film debut, so there’s that.